Facing our demons110
We all have been in situations where, if we would have been true to our values, our self-worth, we would have spoken our mind. Or we would have set clear boundaries as that person was crossing a certain line. Telling the other party that his or her behavior was not okay. Conflicting with our values, our integrity, the very things that matter to us the most.
EXCEPT we didn’t. Which makes us suffer afterwards. First of all because there is this gnawing feeling that our own needs were not met. We kind of ignored them which leaves us feeling sad, somber, depressed, you name it. It is a feeling of let-down. Not by others. But by ourselves. Which is even worse if you ask me. As the person we should trust the most is ourselves. Right?
And the funny thing is, we tell ourselves that what we did, or didn’t do, is for the best. Surely by avoiding the painful conversation and keeping things “nice”, on a superficial level, we make sure that, at least, the possible escalation, the dread of the possible loss of this certain relationship can be avoided. EXCEPT the universe is just not that kind. If we refuse to face our demons, our demons will be in our face one way or another. If we refuse or avoid having that painful conversation or even that heated argument, eventually we WILL have to face up to it as it cannot be avoided anymore. The one person who puts this eloquently as always is Pema Chödrön who says “nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know”. Another powerhouse, Brené Brown, who became world famous with her lectures and books on vulnerability and courage says it in a different way “integrity is choosing courage over comfort. It’s choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast or easy; and it’s practicing your values, not just professing them.”
So, perhaps next time when you find yourself hiding behind a lot of good reasons (hint excuses) of NOT having that painful conversation c.q. confrontation, think again and claim the space you know, deep down inside, you should claim for yourself. Open your mouth and speak your truth. And then feel your feelings. Any change there?