Victim or driver?


Have you ever been hurt in a relationship? Whether it’s a romantic relationship? A friendship? A business relationship? Have you ever trusted someone and then later on found out that this person wasn’t worthy of your trust? Wasn’t worthy of your honesty? Wasn’t worthy of your care? Or your time? And did it leave you wondering if/how you could have protected yourself better? If you are anything like me I guess you can come up with a few examples here.

The question is, how can we manage these “affairs of the heart” better? One way of doing this is the so-called “circle exercise”. Take a piece of paper and put a circle in the middle with your name in it. Then, according to importance and trust, put different circles with each containing a name of a family member, a friend or colleague. The more trustworthy they are, the closer they are to your inner circle. The more “wary” you are of them, the further they are from your own circle. The point of this exercise is to make a conscious effort to put people where they belong. In your assessment. And manage your expectations and attitudes accordingly. Bearing in mind that this drawing is not static. The circles can move whenever YOU decide it is time to move them up. Or down. Does this make sense?

The whole point of this exercise is that instead of being a victim to certain relationships, YOU take control. YOU decide who is worthy of your energy, your trust, your time.  As not everyone who desires access to your life, your heart, is worthy of the access they seek. Your time is your most valuable asset. By all means give it to those who will appreciate it.
Victim or driver? Up to you!

Hint: when people show you who they are the first time, believe them…