About buttons & boundaries


Going through life we sometimes meet colleagues, people, who push our buttons and our boundaries. And we all know how difficult it is sometimes to say “no”, especially when our career is on the line.
Let me share my own learning here: there are external and internal boundaries that you need to keep an eye on. EXTERNAL boundaries are the “no” you give to another person. What we are often not aware of are the INTERNAL boundaries that need to be set as well. And with that I mean: having difficulty not letting the “stuff” of the other person, become about us. If we do not watch our internal boundaries we often end up feeling guilty or ashamed of ourselves. And this can easily turn into a pattern if we don’t watch it.
A lack of internal boundaries often stems from childhood when, for example, our parents or other important persons in our life didn’t respect our limits.

How to build our internal boundaries?
It all comes down to building a stronger self whilst being with the person(s) that push our limits. And that means: calm yourself, lower your reactivity, be less engaged and stay close to your authentic self. AND allow that other person to have THEIR reality. It does not have to be yours! You do not need to make him/her comfortable!

While starting to practice setting your external and internal boundaries you will need to tolerate the “upset” of the other person as he or she is not used (yet) to meeting this new you. Being dignified, as in being graceful and showing self-respect will do wonders…!